Trust

It is interesting how Moses mother put him in a basket in the bull rushes as a tiny three month old baby. Prior to that his parents hid him, not out of fear but “because they saw he was no ordinary child”.  To a loving Mum or Dad what child is ordinary? Every one of my four, in my eyes is extra-ordinary, dearly loved and fiercely protected. A baby’s trust in its parents is unswerving. They are born to trust- that they will be loved, nurtured, fed and have their cries answered. Moses’ parents trusted God in the same way. What was most precious to them was given to Him, certain of his absolute trustworthiness, His complete care and protection.

Recently I took one of my daughters and gave her into the care of doctors and nurses in Swanage hospital. Despite being a minor operation I surrendered her happily to their competency, knowledge and kindness. Behind the medical staff is my heavenly Father. Over many years I have regularly put my children in His capable hands, trusting in His unfailing love to those who trust Him.

Leaving home

Two out of four of our children have left home to go to university. Both days are indelibly printed in my mind as highly charged with emotion, excitement and trepidation for us as parents and for them. Dropping them off was a flurry of suitcases, bags, boxes, all of their possessions squeezed into the car and then dumped on a Cardiff/London pavement. New people were greeted, rooms discovered, hugs and kisses then we depart, leaving our precious cargo and escaping to the car before tears overwhelmed us. Hopes were high for us and for them, were they ready for this big, brave new step?

On Thursday I had another kind of leaving home. In my car this time was a lady I’ve known for many years, prayed for, agonized over and pleaded with. This day she came to me and told me “it’s the end, I can’t do it any more” She phoned Betel and two hours later I was making the journey to Watford in the rush hour! The place we took her to was in a beautiful village with a grassy green and neat brick cottages. Smiling faces greeted us and ushered us in to a hall with a large cloth covered table and the inevitable welcome cup of tea. This was no university but a similarly momentous occasion for a new beginning with all the fear and uncertainty that involves. Her possessions were in a small carrier bag, the total of a 42 year life scrambled together all in a rush. She was very frightened but determined so as we left her behind with six strangers.  We held our breath and prayed to our heavenly Father that he would keep her, hold her, help her in the traumatic days ahead and that from these shaky beginnings a new woman would emerge- free, whole and transformed.

Fear of exposure

This new life where everything seems to be in the public domain is daunting I find. I have kept a very private journal for over 20 years now. In it I write my thoughts, prayers and sometimes inner struggles. It is for my eyes only, the kids know that and my hubby knows that. So why on earth am I starting a blog? A recent weekend away with the NF Commission younger leaders saw Guy and I on a platform answering questions from the floor about life, family and ministry in front of 100 men and women. The feedback was that folk found it helpful-why? I guess there can be a discrepancy between the private and public face of all of us. Not many people get to see the silly you, but we can all be just that given the right circumstances! Also I think we are at a time in history where everything is potentially public. I bet David Cameron never thought his university days would be spread over the tabloids for all to read all across the world. I’m not sure any of us would want that to happen, fear of exposure is a very real fear. Vulnerability is an interesting thing as we like affirmation but rejection is terrifying. The future of “my ramblings” is just that – a desire to share with others aspects of my life that might be helpful or interesting. Ramblings? Because Guy and I like nothing better than to set off on a walk, to have a horizon, a journey, time to talk, time to think, time to discover and time to wonder. If you’d like to join me please feel free, if you wouldn’t then please don’t bother, I won’t be offended, I will never know!

Younger leaders weekend

If nothing else, being invited to attend a younger leaders weekend reminds me of how the years have passed. As you look out on a sea of expectant faces some so young they hardly look ready to be married let alone carry responsibilities in the local churches they represent. Some have little ones, babes in arms, still feeding therefore unable to be left with babysitters and it is a kind of relief to have moved far beyond that stage yourself! The over-riding feeling is how key such weekends are as you look back on many years of ministry and realise many times of drawing aside from normal duties to spend time with God and other brothers and sisters. Often just minor course adjustments which tweak you from where you have slightly drifted but sometimes major shifts in thinking and destination. Time to think and re-evaluate are so precious and when you have normal day to day living there is little room for that.